Did he really love me?

As the days passed, I learned that my DH had bigger problems with money than I ever imagined. He liked the green stuff, he just wasn't very good with it.

I used to joke that he was like a compulsive gambler with his businesses: he only saw the potential "winnings", never the real losses. How right I was! He took out credit cards in my name, maxed them out, and didn't pay them. Money from one business was used to fund the other, driving both into a hole.

So I've spent the last few weeks trying to repair my credit, which can be described as an unmitigated disaster, in order to re-fi my house. My kids have lost their father...I don't want them to lose the only home they've ever known.

I know that addicts choose their drug-of-choice over their families, homes, jobs, everything. My husband's drug-of-choice was money. Feeding his addiction took precedence over my need for peace and my children's need for security.

The big question on everyone's mind: where did the money GO? I paid the bills, so it didn't go there. The most popular guesses:

1. Drugs...no way! He wouldn't even try beer or cigarettes.
2. Gambling...no way! His big bets in Vegas amounted to about $200.
3. Secret family in Utah (or any other state)...hmmm...nah.

We'll never know.